#MyStory: Depression – Counselling Session 2

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Trigger warning: This article talks about suicide and self-harm.

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If you would like to talk to anyone about the issues raised in this article, please contact Meic, the national information, advice and advocacy for 0-25s in Wales. You can contact Meic by phone (080880 23456), text (84001), instant message (www.meic.cymru) between 8am and midnight.

This was a very important session with the counsellor as I was considering going back to work (I didn’t go in the end).

We discussed the possibilities of a phased return and what might be best. We also discussed how I could help my boyfriend try and understand what I’m going through. This was great because it meant that things were actually starting to look up.

The reason why I didn’t yet feel ready to go back to work was because the Friday before and I had a bad episode. I wasn’t quite low enough to want to commit suicide but I was having those thoughts. I swear if it weren’t for the fact I wasn’t in my own home, I would have got the scissors and sliced into my arm.

Yes you may be thinking “attention seeking” but no it’s not like that. The reason why I have done these sorts of things in the past and the main reason why I wanted to that night was simple. If I focused on the cuts into my arm, the pain it caused and the pain I would feel from the blood welling up from the incision… well then I wouldn’t have to focus on the negative and rubbish feelings that I was suffering from.

That’s why it’s used as a coping method. No it doesn’t always mean that that person is just doing it for the hell of it, it means it’s a small cry for help but it gives them something else to focus on too.

Article continues below…

Editor’s note: Our friends at FamilyPoint Cymru recently did a mini campaign on self-harm with Cardiff-based charity Heads Above The Waves. It’s mainly advice for parents with teens who self-harm, but there’s some really great stuff that’s worth a read by Sprouters too:

si story self-harm on FamilyPoint

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes counselling, so I explained this to my counsellor – who listened intently and didn’t judge. All she did was advise that I can contact Health Shield or even Samaritans as they have text service. She advised Samaritans because I explained I wasn’t able to call anyone. I haven’t yet used that service, I still tend to suffer in silence… but anyway, we discussed these matters.

I also explained some more of my concerns, mostly with work and how I was now starting to feel pressured to go back and also with my relationship with my boyfriend. She tries to give me pointers on how to handle situations and such like, but they don’t personally tend to work for me.

Anyway, this session left me feeling more hopeful and excited to go away. I was going away to see my fella, I hadn’t seen him in nearly a month and that probably explained a lot of the problems we have been having. But she was happy for me and wished me to have a nice holiday. She also advised me of my self-esteem and explained that it’s evidently not good.

Mental Health

The way it was explained is that a typical person’s self-esteem is like a glass of water that’s filled to the top. When someone says a negative thing, the water spills out of it but is easily refilled. My glass however, is always empty and I rely on others on the outside to fill it by giving me compliments or saying nice things that will make me feel better… then if someone is to say something negative it goes back to empty again and doesn’t refill. She explained that my self-esteem is based on the opinions of others and that it’s not healthy and advised of 3 self-help books. These are called Overcoming Low Self-Esteem Self-Help Course (book 1, 2 & 3) by Melanie Fennell. There is one big book that has all three sections, but suggested that the separate ones work better. I bought all three from Amazon used for around £10 including postage.

I’m now currently waiting for these to arrive so I can start having a look into them.

I don’t really have much more to say in this. It’s not really the best thing to read about but it’s just somewhere I can post my thoughts and what’s going on kind of thing… I’m using this as a bit of a blog I guess you could say…

Happy reading!

Meic logo for Info section

If you would like to talk to anyone about the issues raised in this article, please contact Meic, the national information, advice and advocacy for 0-25s in Wales. You can contact Meic by phone (080880 23456), text (84001), instant message (www.meic.cymru) between 8am and midnight.

Related Articles:

#MyStory: Depression – Counselling Session 1

#MyStory: Depression – Counselling Session 3

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