“Dear Aunty Sprout,
I’m the only one in my group who is still a virgin.
Me and all my friends are going off to university soon, and every time we hang out, everyone keeps talking about sex and exchanging stories, and as I’ve never done anything sexual with anyone, I always have nothing to say and feel really left out. They even play drinking games based around it, so they all get really drunk and I’m always really sober.
I’ve always wanted to save my virginity for someone special, but I’ve never even been in a relationship and I’m starting to think I’m weird. Plus, everyone keeps saying that you don’t want to be a virgin when you go to uni.
Time is running out, what do I do?”
Well now Sprouters, it’s over to you. If you have any advice to offer, please leave your comments below (it’s free and quick to comment but we recommend keeping posts Sprouty and anonymous!).
TheSprout has teamed up with Meic – the national information, advice and advocacy helpline for children and young people in Wales – which has posted as Aunty Sprout below!
Aunty Sprout’s response
Hi there! Thanks for getting in touch with me about this issue, it’s one that many young people struggle with.
There’s such a lot of peer pressure for young people to become sexually active, often before they feel ready to begin having sex. Added to that, the media (newspapers, magazines, TV programmes and films) portray young people having sex as a social norm, yet this is certainly not the case for all young people. You say that your friends keep talking about sex and exchanging stories, it’s possible that some of this is bravado and not actually true, as it’s quite common for young people to exaggerate or lie about having had sex. Some of your friends might even feel similarly to you, but lack the confidence to say this.
It sounds to me like you’ve given a lot of thought to when you feel you might be ready to have sex, and that you have always wanted to wait until you meet someone special. You said also that you think you might be weird because you haven’t yet had a relationship, but this seems to fit in with your wish to meet someone special before committing yourself to a relationship.
You’re clearly an independent thinker, with a strong sense of what you want and don’t want, and that’s really positive! You are much more likely to have a pleasurable experience of sex if you aren’t under any pressure and are completely comfortable with your choice.
You mentioned that all your friends talk about sex when you meet up, I was wondering if you have any friends who might feel similarly to you, or who don’t spend the whole time talking about sex? If you do, you might want to think about spending time with them, as this would help to reduce the pressure on you. You could also think about pursuing other interests you may have such as sports, or even do some volunteering before you go to university.
I’ve listed a few sites about sex, young people and peer pressure that you might find helpful.
I hope that helps, and wish you all the best for your time in uni… 🙂