“Dear Aunty Sprout,
My mum and dad are getting divorced, and I don’t know if I should see my dad in contact. On the one hand, he has hurt my feelings in the past, and I have told him this. But then he is my dad. Maybe I should give him another chance, see how it goes. It’s like….. um…. It’s like forgiving a friend that did a thing that you didn’t like and you are giving that person another chance. That’s exactly what I did, and everything was okay again. I convinced my little brother and sister to do it too, and it kind of worked, so maybe it will work again. I’m just not sure.”
Well now Sprouters, it’s over to you. If you have any advice to offer, please leave your comments below (it’s free and quick to comment but we recommend keeping posts Sprouty and anonymous!).
TheSprout has teamed up with Meic – the national information, advice and advocacy helpline for children and young people in Wales – which has posted as Aunty Sprout below!
Aunty Sprout’s response
Hi there, thanks for getting in touch with us. It sounds like you and your family are going through a difficult time at the moment and that you’re unsure whether or not to have contact with your father. It’s great that you were able to let your dad know how you were feeling in the past, and that it had a positive outcome for both of you, as well as your brother and sister. You’re clearly a very thoughtful and considerate young person.
Separation/divorce is usually a really difficult process for parents (and children), and the time leading up to it can often have negative effects upon family behaviours and relationships. You may find that things will become easier once your parents are divorced and able to move on with their own lives. If, however, your father has hurt you in ways unconnected to this, and if you feel he could do it again, you might want to discuss your reservations about keeping contact with him before making any final decisions. It might be helpful to think about what it is that has changed or happened since the last time you let him know how you were feeling that has made you unsure about maintaining contact with him. You clearly recognise that this is a big decision and want to get it right – it can help to write a list of the pros and cons of having contact with him, taking into consideration how this will affect you and the people around you (including your brother and sister).
If you would like to talk this through in more detail, you can contact the Meic helpline, via instant message, text or telephone, and we will be happy to explore your options with you. In the meantime, I’ve listed a couple of links for you: