(Note: The Japan room joke is a light-hearted inside joke we had at Off Centre community theatre group)

Welcome to Deathwood.

It’s a dark, smoky and dangerous place yet I feel safer here than the WMC Japan room. Sure the chances of being murdered in the Japan room are probably a lot less than Deathwood, but in Deathwood the murderers at least have the decency to stab you in the front, not the back.

They have true guts. Literally, they pull them out of you. Remember that time you were crying and the magician gave you a handkerchief that left a rainbow on the floor. That’s what it’s like. It feels like a never ending rainbow. They like to wipe the blood on their face, so they can feel close to the ones they kill. That’s not the only thing they do, but i’ll just leave that to your imagination.

Murderers are portrayed in the media so badly. I think they’re just a little misunderstood. They set goals, they bring families together, what’s so bad about that? Everyone always says “be true to yourself” but the second somebody kills a guy they ask “what the fuck are you doing?”

The murderers of Deathwood are loyal. The first time you meet them they say to you “If I don’t die first, I promise to kill you” and they keep their promises, you gotta respect that. You know what you get with Deathwood. You go in, you don’t come out, because you’re dead. Your expectations will be met.

Even before you enter the Japan room, you’re thinking

“Is the door gonna be locked?”

“Will there be enough chairs?”

“They better have a big table.”

“What if the AC isn’t working?”

“The lights better not be broke.”

“I hope they haven’t double booked a room again”

“Where’s the equipment?”

“That’s not the group, is it?”

Ever so disappointing.

Deathwood – 100% customer satisfaction guaranteed

Related Article:

http://thesprout.co.uk/blog/2016/06/01/lazy-writer-series-radio-play-draft-lets-play/

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Photo credit to Eric Kilby @ Flickr