The Sonic Movie Trailer Just Ruined Every 90s Kid’s Guilty Pleasure

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Tellingly, one of the first questions Google suggests if you search for the Sonic movie trailer is “Is the Sonic movie real?”

Sadly, it seems, yes, Paramount Pictures really are making a live action slash CGI adaptation of the 90s video game mascot, and yes, it looks like steaming hedgehog dung.

Seriously, watch the trailer, you’ll laugh, or cry, or maybe do both.

Sonic the Hedgehog was invented as a cooler counterpart to Nintendo’s Super Mario, essentially a fat bloke in jeans made lovable. Whilst running “like Sonic” was never gonna make you cool, nerds could watch the cartoons and play the games and feel like they were approaching some approximation of cool. Red trainers, blue spikes, and a radical attitude, duuuude. A guilty pleasure, essentially.

As we’ve seen with recent modernisations of The Lion King and Dumbo though, attempts to make cartoon animals into their real life counterparts look… terrible. And there was me thinking Paddington had done it so well that no-one could surely mess it up- and yet they did.

And it’s not just Sonic’s bizarre design that irks me about this trailer. Everything looks lifeless. The number one rule of good animation is action and reaction. Look how Sonic goes past the police car- it should be shaking, but all there is is a little bit of dust kicked up.

As every current or former Sonic fan knows, there’s tons of great Sonic media to fall back on. Like the Sonic CD intro. “If you’re strong, you can fly… you can reach the other side of the rainbow!” This modern, hairy, cat-hog doesn’t look like he’ll be carving up any rocks anytime soon.

Perhaps Jim Carrey’s appearance ate up the film’s budget!

One common thread amongst YouTube commenters on the trailer is that they will watch it, but only within the privacy of their own home.

It’s not hard to understand why.

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