“Dear Aunty Sprout,
So… I don’t know my dad and it usually never bothers me but recently it was Fathers Day, which again never usually bothers me because I have my step-dad but I began to think a lot… such as things like does he know I exist? Or does he just not care?
I mean I know it is stupid but I just can’t help thinking about it.
When I was growing up I thought my step-dad (not my step-dad now, an old step-dad) was my dad (but he wasn’t/isn’t). I didn’t find out that he wasn’t my dad until I was 9 or 10 (I’m almost 13 now) and after I found out, even though him and my mum weren’t together at the time, I still saw him occasionally.
One day I stayed over his overnight because my mum was going out and he was doing drugs at the time. I also think he was drunk. He was throwing things round the room and a TV almost hit my head.
I haven’t spoke to him since nor do I ever, but it always upsets me, he used to send me a birthday card every year but he hasn’t in a while.
I saw him almost a year ago and I almost had a panic attack. He wants to start seeing me again but I really don’t want to. He claims he’s clean but the thought of him makes me upset and I’m really confused about what I should do, please help.”
Well now Sprouters, it’s over to you. If you have any advice to offer, please leave your comments below (it’s free and quick to comment but we recommend keeping posts Sprouty and anonymous!).
TheSprout has teamed up with Meic – the national information, advice and advocacy helpline for children and young people in Wales – which has posted as Aunty Sprout below!
Aunty Sprout’s response
It sounds like you have had a tough time lately and had lots of different thoughts and feelings going on. Sometimes, when we have lots going on in our heads, it can be really confusing and difficult to know where to start and what to do for the best. In relation to having contact with your step-dad, it is important for you to remember that nobody can make you do something that you do not want to do, it is your choice.
Sometimes it can be difficult to make decisions by yourself and talking to somebody else about it may be helpful. If you wanted to, you could contact the Meic helpline. We would be able to talk to you about what has happened in the past and what options you have, to try and help you to make your own decision about what you would like to do next.
You can call Meic on 080 880 23456, text us on 84001 or instant message us via www.meic.cymru. It is completely free to contact us (whether you phone, text or instant message) and we are open from 8am to midnight, 365 days a year.
As we are a confidential service, we won’t tell anyone about what we discuss either unless we are concerned that you or someone else is at risk of harm.
All the best with whatever you choose to do,
Sub-Editor’s note: This article was originally posted on the old Sprout website here and received nine comments, but we’ve republished it here today as we have new info and advice to share: